Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us

I can live only wholly with you or not at all

Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits

Yes, unhappily it must be so

You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart

never

never

Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.

And yet my life in V is now a wretched life

Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men

At my age I need a steady, quiet life

can that be so in our connection?

My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day

therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once

Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together

Be calm

love me

today

yesterday

what tearful longings for you

you

you

my life

my all

farewell.

Oh continue to love me

never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours

- Ludwig Beethoven

who knew beethoven could write such lovely lines (: haha. i need to get my expectations of guys away from fiction and into reality. seriously. haha.

sex and the city made my heart ache so bad. for the acceptances of all types of love. about how relationships aren't determined by length of time. some are short, some are long, but that is neither a gauge nor a representation of the wealth of feelings and love between two (which i agree totally). but most of all, when i see the 4 of them (being so different and all), i think of screw. how different we are. and yet how things work. seeing charlotte's reaction to big, made me remember the time when they actually brought me shoe shopping to cheer me up after erh everything fell apart. and how everytime i think about the future, the only constant thing is that they feature in it.

and then the sleepovers and dinners and all e tai-tai-ish things they do just make me miss mel so much ): the time before she left we went grocery shopping & lunchin at holland v and we swore we'd do this for the rest of our lives (((: hahaha. sorry i'm getting very sappy. that's me. sentimental to the last tear drop. haha.

carrie and big. seeing carrie and big find their happy ever after, got me thinking of you. but then again my thoughts have been unconsciously flitting to you quite often these past few weeks. there are days that just go by that i can say very confidently i won't let it happen again. when i think about what i want and it seems like that's not it. and like what mel said about letting go the 90% one and waiting out for the 100% one. but i always see a future that has you in it. and i'm not sure if its cos i'm afraid to venture out of my comfort zone. or cos its you. shrugs. i don't even want to think about how i really feel about all this shit. sighs. too much too much. head hurts. off to watch anime.

i can't wait to go home (: